Thursday, October 08, 2015

Not Everything That Glitters Is Golden

"Grown Ass Woman" Collage on Canvas by Crystal Neubauer
Confession: I have slept in 8 different beds in the past 2.5 weeks and not all because of travel related to workshops.
Astonishingly, the home I just moved into has a mold issue! Once all the unpacking and decorating was finished and I finally had time to do more than fall into bed exhausted at the end of the day, it hit me that the health issues that were flaring up were being triggered by the air I was breathing – inside my home!
The landlord responded to my call and took the initial action I asked her to, but it did not resolve the problem, so she took further action on a trouble spot that had been previously water damaged and the most likely culprit of the offending odor, but an air quality test has come back showing a high percentage of spores in the air that are known to cause the reactions I am having. I can no longer spend any lengthy period of time in the house without a serious flare up and I am growing discouraged.
There are deep seated internal lies being uprooted through this experience. I see God working on me in amazing ways. Good ways. Healing ways. Not at all what I was expecting from this season, but it is what it is.
After the long process of packing my home and my studio, moving to a new location, all the unpacking on my own and maintaining a teaching schedule on top of it all – two workshops in the past 3 weeks, one of which was 2000 miles away- I am worn, and I just want to crawl into bed and recuperate. But I can't stay in my own home.
I don't know what the next step is. I am allowing myself to have all the emotions and all the exhaustion and all the uncertainty that this sort of thing can bring. Will the landlord be able to sufficiently deal with the spores in the air so that I can breath healthy air and live in my home? Will I be putting my things in storage and starting my world teaching tour early? Only half kidding- but will I be putting it all in storage? I don't know.
But one thing I do know for sure. I have a God who leads me. He has spoken to me in the wee hours of the night and I know He is using all of this for my good. I am leaning in and listening and trying not to let the stories in my head, or the lies being unearthed in my heart, get the better of me.
I am learning a moment by moment existence and trust in Him. All is well with my soul.

2 comments:

  1. Aw, I know things in your life have improved since you wrote this post, but still wanted to pop in and say "hugs" (also, I've just found your blog, although we've been friends on FB for a while). Our drawing challenge this weekend has been cocoon and so I can't help but send you a cocoon to warm and heal you form this. And, I also used the very broken cover of E.D.E.N. Southworth's book Vivia in my piece. :D

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    1. Hi Veronica, and thanks so much for the kind thoughts and cocoon. I loved the way you used the EDEN cover in your work!

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