Today I am unpacking my suitcases of the supplies from my last several workshops and getting organized to begin packing my studio and new home after discovering the air is filled with mold spores that I am having a severe allergic reaction to.
I felt overwhelmed by the task when I walked in the door this morning and alone in the world. But this is a lie designed to cripple and defeat me. So I reached out to a few who know me and who each blessed me with their words and prayers. I am now bolstered in the spirit and ready to face the task at hand.
I know where I am going will be good. Not just good, but very good. I also know that this first move was not a misstep, but part of the plan God has for my freedom.
As I cried out to Him on my last night here, asking why He would lead me here and let this happen to me, He reminded me of the Israelites finally finding water on their way to the promised land only to discover it wasn't suitable for drinking. The lack was not evidence of a lack in God's leading or His provision, but it did uncover the lack of trust in God on the behalf of the people.
As they journeyed they had opportunity to learn a moment by moment abiding and trust in Him and in this place, I am learning the same. I am being freed of fears that have plagued me my entire life. I am learning to love and care for myself even when others may not see or agree with what I need. I am learning confidence in the voice God gave me and my ability to use it in an assertive way that does not harm another, but will not allow myself to be harmed. I am learning to hold others accountable for their responsibilities and speaking up when I would have hidden my needs and felt shame for having them in the past.
These things are break through moments for me and the impact will be life changing. And so as I unpack my bags in preparation of repacking my studio, the symbolism is not lost on me. I am unpacking the worn, used, and no longer useful behaviors of the past and leaving behind what no longer serves me. I will repack these boxes, and though they may contain the same supplies and dishes and items I came with, the load is much lighter then it was when I arrived.