Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Darkness and The Light

China Doll     9" x 9" x 2.5" Collage Mixed Media by Crystal Neubauer

I am finally feeling I am starting to get caught up after the past few months of moving and show prep. I have started to hang art in my apartment and just finished up the last of the Christmas decorating, I am working on getting good images and listing art in the shop, scheduling workshops and shows for next year, and the inbox is under 100 to be read. Whew!
On any given day I confess, that I feel guilty for the time I am not using to the utmost of productivity. I have a difficult time allowing myself to relax and do nothing - even if there really is nothing to do. Compounding this issue, sales were slower than expected at the show this year and I will have to continue my efforts to generate the income I need to support myself through the next few months when I was hoping to be able to focus on some new ideas in the studio and getting my website updated.
Fear and anxiety are ever threatening to creep in and steal my peace, the fallout of a hyper-alert childhood conditioning that I am incrementally healing from. It is a tricky balance to take care of what I am responsible to do and trust that everything is going to be okay. But a recent conversation with a friend reminds me that fear is a liar. And I'll add, control is an illusion.
We are in the midst of Advent. A season of waiting in darkness before the coming light. In spite of the darkness that seems to be increasing in the world out there, and sometimes in my world within, one thing I know to be true is that the light is inside of me. I am a carrier of the light.
The first scripture I ever memorized has amplified in this season with it's threatening fears. It reminds me that I get to choose what I meditate on. Will it be the dark days we seem to be in or will it be the light? Today it may seem to be just a flicker, but I choose to focus on the light, because I am reminded by that scripture "Greater is He, that is inside of me, than he that is in the entire world."
Or in other words “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
And there is enough love to do it my friends. Do not be afraid. 
Love really is enough.