The Darkness and The Light

China Doll     9" x 9" x 2.5" Collage Mixed Media by Crystal Neubauer

I am finally feeling I am starting to get caught up after the past few months of moving and show prep. I have started to hang art in my apartment and just finished up the last of the Christmas decorating, I am working on getting good images and listing art in the shop, scheduling workshops and shows for next year, and the inbox is under 100 to be read. Whew!

On any given day I confess, that I feel guilty for the time I am not using to the utmost of productivity. I have a difficult time allowing myself to relax and do nothing - even if there really is nothing to do. Compounding this issue, sales were slower than expected at the show this year and I will have to continue my efforts to generate the income I need to support myself through the next few months when I was hoping to be able to focus on some new ideas in the studio and getting my website updated.

Fear and anxiety are ever threatening to creep in and steal my peace, the fallout of a hyper-alert childhood conditioning that I am incrementally healing from. It is a tricky balance to take care of what I am responsible to do and trust that everything is going to be okay. But a recent conversation with a friend reminds me that fear is a liar. And I'll add, control is an illusion.

We are in the midst of Advent. A season of waiting in darkness before the coming light. In spite of the darkness that seems to be increasing in the world out there, and sometimes in my world within, one thing I know to be true is that the light is inside of me. I am a carrier of the light.

The first scripture I ever memorized has amplified in this season with it's threatening fears. It reminds me that I get to choose what I meditate on. Will it be the dark days we seem to be in or will it be the light? Today it may seem to be just a flicker, but I choose to focus on the light, because I am reminded by that scripture "Greater is He, that is inside of me, than he that is in the entire world."

Or in other words “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

And there is enough love to do it my friends. Do not be afraid. 
Love really is enough.

Sneak Peek At New Work and 25% Off Everything For Cyber Monday

Blogger is on the blip and my images won't load, but that won't stop me from sharing the news...

It is Cyber Monday and I've posted 14 of my new works in my shop before I pack them all up for the One Of A Kind Show and Sale in Chicago this week.

Each of the new works is listed at $50 below retail PLUS you will get an extra 25% off at checkout when you enter the word GRATEFUL. The discount code works on everything in the shop; original new works of art, retired works of art, prints and local workshops - come on over and check it out at this link, today is the day you get to shop for yourself!

Take Heart

On my way out of my brother's house this morning dreading the day of packing and getting sick from the mold air in my house, I find a pot of coffee and a note that the sugar is organic. 

The early morning quiet and empty house are too enticing to resist, I have not slept in my own home or my own bed for nearly a month and I am exhausted, so I reach in the cabinet and pull out the first mug. 

This. Message. Waiting. For. Me.

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

The mug says the author is unknown, but I'm pretty sure it's Jesus. 
Yeah it was Jesus:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

He comes in many forms and many ways to remind me. From a pot of coffee and a note about sugar, to the offers to help pack, and the many many email messages from friends and strangers.

Take heart. I am with you today.

Today I am unpacking my suitcases of the supplies from my last several workshops and getting organized to begin packing my studio and new home after discovering the air is filled with mold spores that I am having a severe allergic reaction to.

I felt overwhelmed by the task when I walked in the door this morning and alone in the world. But this is a lie designed to cripple and defeat me. So I reached out to a few who know me and who each blessed me with their words and prayers. I am now bolstered in the spirit and ready to face the task at hand.

I know where I am going will be good. Not just good, but very good. I also know that this first move was not a misstep, but part of the plan God has for my freedom.

As I cried out to Him on my last night here, asking why He would lead me here and let this happen to me, He reminded me of the Israelites finally finding water on their way to the promised land only to discover it wasn't suitable for drinking. The lack was not evidence of a lack in God's leading or His provision, but it did uncover the lack of trust in God on the behalf of the people.

As they journeyed they had opportunity to learn a moment by moment abiding and trust in Him and in this place, I am learning the same. I am being freed of fears that have plagued me my entire life. I am learning to love and care for myself even when others may not see or agree with what I need. I am learning confidence in the voice God gave me and my ability to use it in an assertive way that does not harm another, but will not allow myself to be harmed. I am learning to hold others accountable for their responsibilities and speaking up when I would have hidden my needs and felt shame for having them in the past.

These things are break through moments for me and the impact will be life changing. And so as I unpack my bags in preparation of repacking my studio, the symbolism is not lost on me. I am unpacking the worn, used, and no longer useful behaviors of the past and leaving behind what no longer serves me. I will repack these boxes, and though they may contain the same supplies and dishes and items I came with, the load is much lighter then it was when I arrived.

Retired Works (or happy birthday to me sale) Are In The House!

I've been overwhelmed and encouraged by the loving responses to my current living situation you have all been sending. It is a difficult turn of events, but I am heading in such a good direction as I see the doors opening before me that I can hardly wait to tell you! 

Meanwhile, I have been toting my retired works from workshop to workshop this past few months and sent many of them off to new homes. As my daughter pointed out to me today, it is the very last day of my 40s, so what better way to celebrate than to list the rest of the works that I am letting go and send them all off to you? 

These are carefully selected works from the past 5 years that I am very fond of and proud to offer to you. In letting them go at greatly reduced prices, I am welcoming the next decade of my life and all the possibilities it brings! 

Head on over to the shop here and click on the Retired Works tab and grab one while they last!