Deep Calls To Deep Mixed Media Collage by Crystal Neubauer
Just a few minutes late, I made my way to the back of the crowded room where
I could observe the guest speaker without being noticed. I still wasn't sure
what I was doing here, what brought me back to this small church meeting in a
basement room each Sunday morning. It was a difficult time in my life and I
needed more then the disconnect I had been feeling in my regular church home.
It wasn't them, it was me. I felt God challenging me to know Him in a deeper
way, but this place was outside of my comfort zone, and this morning in
particular, filled with people, standing and sitting, who had come to see
Todd White speak, it was even more so
then usual. My day had started with an earnest private pleading with God to still
the waters of my life and bring me peace. Bring me peace God. Please. Please.
Please God. I was feeling fragile and I didn't want to be seen.
As I squeezed silently against the back wall, Todd, who had been facing the
other side of the room, suddenly stopped mid-sentence and looked directly at me
saying in a voice that carried above the crowd "God wants you to know you
are entering into a season of peace"! Tears sprang to my eyes and before I
could stop it my own small voice gasped "I prayed for that this
morning!" There were appropriate praise murmurings all around, but they
faded to a buzz as I stood amazed at the timing of this prophecy.
That afternoon a tree lost its limb smashing the rear window of my car in
the driveway.
Today I am settling into a new home with only a few of my own belongings
around. I can't help thinking this must be what it's like for families who have
lost their homes to a fire. In some ways, I think, a fire might have been easier
to sort it all out- the good from the bad- damaged belongings verses
salvageable goods, and according to our insurance company would have meant our
losses were covered.
Just over two months ago we moved to another home that my husband had agreed
to renovate in exchange for lower rent. It was to be a time of sacrifice in
which, if all went according to plan, we could begin to pay off debt and save
our money to finally purchase our own home. But the house needed much more then
the cosmetic work my husband had agreed to, a terrible musty odor permeated the
air and no amount of cleaning could remove it.
By the time we realized how serious the problem was I was losing my hair,
dealing with inexplicable dizzy spells while sitting in bed, and worsening skin
and airborne allergy symptoms. Our precious kitty woke ill one day and
continued to grow worse - the vet said her kidneys had shut down the day we had
to put her to sleep- a result of the toxicity of the black mold spores unseen in
the air.
In a sense it was an invisible fire. Thankfully many of our possessions –including
my entire studio -were still in boxes stored in the garage, safe from the toxic
air, but we had to throw away beds, dressers, rugs and other items which were at
highest risk. Everything else went into storage, where we will slowly begin to
decide one box, one item at a time, what we can attempt to clean and what else
has to be thrown away.
A very wise counselor answered my fears one night in alarm as I lamented
over what to do, not having any money or place to go, but knowing the situation
was serious "Honey you just get in the car and GO! God will meet you
there!" And there I was again; back three years ago in that season of
begging God for peace to calm the waters that were threatening to flood my
life. Without resources and with no permanent place to go - could I really
trust Him to meet me in this?
Stepping back to the big picture, there is an array of core lies that God
has been weeding out of my belief system for several years now- indeed through
each one of these stormy seasons there have been blessings and breakthroughs-
but still I wrestled with the big one. Will God really meet me in this?
Can I really trust God?
A lifetime of fears was at stake and God had lovingly hemmed me in. Bring me
peace God. Please. Please. Please God. And that is exactly what He did. As I
got into my car and drove away He was there to meet me. From the well timed
large sale from
my website the first day, to winding up renting a home fully
furnished and stocked – a story I might share in more detail another day – God
was meeting me in my need every step of the way and showing me just how much I
could let go of control and trust Him.
It turns out the prophecy spoken to me three
years ago was correct, I really was entering a season of peace – but as long as
I had my eyes on the storms around me I was missing it.
Peace, you see, had nothing to do with my circumstances and everything to
do with trusting a loving God.
Matthew 6:19 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.